THE NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP
The general consensus of various online dictionaries and encyclopedias is that friendship is basically “cooperative and supportive behavior between two or more beings” I write beings because one of the sources used the term social entities while another used humans. So, I figure beings covers both terms reasonably well. However, “cooperative and supportive behavior” makes a rather thin quilt to cover all the nuances of friendship and does not come close to touching the visceral nature of friendship.
Even allowing for sociopaths and abnormally isolated exceptions, almost every person on Earth experiences some form of that attachment that links one person to another in such a way that informs our thoughts and actions for the remainder of our lives. Even if only one such bond is created in a lifetime, we call upon the memory of that relationship at the best and worst times of our lives.
That memory of our first friend that brings a smile and a remembered anecdote becomes a balm for the hurts and isolation we experience in later life. Friendship is about that experience of having one person who has our back; one person who makes us feel prized when others deride us. Friendship is nourishment for our soul for it enables us to value more than our own desires and more than our own well-being.
At its very best, friendship teaches us how to communicate and interact with the world. It provides a safety net for the mistakes because friends forgive what mere acquaintances will not. They teach us about boundaries and restraint and then let us breach those boundaries to be wildly silly or shed buckets of tears without fear of reproach.
C. S. Lewis got it so wrong when he wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival”. I believe friendship is what ultimately enables us to survive and it is the quality of our friendships that adds value to mere survival.
Great post Onedia! I totally agree with the fact that friendship provides a safety net and that friends forgive.
I also think that CS Lewis got it wrong with that quote
Have a great weekend!
Thanks, La delirante, what does one do on the weekend in Malta?
This makes me want to write and call my friends and tell them thank-you.
After years of being a loner I’ve come to a place where my friendships are my food and I need them for my very life.
Bella, the wonder of such friendships is that even in our most solitary times even the memories of special friends prevents us from being truly alone . We carry within us their spirit and the lessons we learned from being with them.
O.
Hi Onedia,
My goodness you are prolific and have such varied interests! I worked in jewellery for a number of years so I share your interest there.. However, it was on the retail side not designing…not talented enough I’m afraid. Your friendship post is very poignant for this time of year. Fortunately my friends have got used to me being wildly silly…
Beautiful essay. I prefer “beings” also since that includes doggies and kitties.
Jane, well I don’t have at-home children and I have not had to go to the pits of hell called work fo18 months so I have had the freedom to do as I pleased and as many things as I please. It always seems as though one thing (or blog) leads to another. I am a person who likes variety (well I am rather attached to my husband) .
O.
I actually agree with Lewis on that. While it is nice to have friends, I don’t believe they are necessary to have. I’ve gone through many years without any, a self imposed alienation at first that became my way of life and I accomplished more, I felt more, I discovered who I was more easily.
I understand where you are coming from though, because once I abandoned my reclusive habits, I realized that having someone to talk to once in a while is an invaluable thing to have.
Thanks for your thoughts and hope you visit again.
I just can’t agree more with your words & thoughts…It was so nice reading of this lovely virtue called friendship…True friendship is really matchless & priceless in this world!
I agree, Kalyan, I have been thinking so much about friendship lately that I just needed to spend this month writing about it.
O.
Hi Onedia! Well, as bella says, I’ve been pretty much of a loner myself, in the sense that I really don’t have anyone I could be wildly silly with (except maybe my daughter). The main issue is I feel that I can’t lean on anybody, which was why I started blogging, to be able to feel I could share without really leaning on anyone (after all reading someone’s post is totally voluntarily). I have made so many blog friends, but still hesitate to really pour it all out.
Sorry for this long comment
Write as long as you wish when commenting here, Hillgran, I enjoy them. I think we are both Introverts (INTJ) here and as such — so I have always felt a bit socially inept. I communicate best in writing so this is a great way to make friends.
Thanks for coming out to play.
I concur Onedia.. writing is a great way to make friendships.. I am on facebook too and I have made a (select no) of friends that I would really call “friends”. Actually I’ve discussed issues with them that I wouldn’t discuss with my closest friends at home… would I really want my neighbours to know all my dirty washing? No Thankyou!
Although there is a part of me which likes solitude I also love communicating with people and learning about them… there’s probably nothing more fascinating than the human personality… except a giant sized chocolate bar of course. Why don’t they sell ‘em on Amazon? It would be so less embarassing than queuing at the shops…
I’m still trying to get my badge. I will probably email you…but won’t publish your address… Is it a chocolate badge?
Jane, just had a bite of XOXOX chocolate 72% cocoa. This brand comes with a love poem on the inside of the wrapper as if that were needed. Just yummy.
I am on facebook and you can come to our Global Neighborhood group along with eve’s lungs , hill granny and some others. I can even post the badge. Just click on my facebook icon on the right side (with one of my cats showing)
Alas, it is not chocolate.
O.
I most definitely like “beings” in this context. My animals and my husband are my daily support and loving friends. Having moved recently to a farm in rural Oklahoma, I am all too aware of the lack of “girlfriends” with whom I can share and act silly. My daughter is coming to stay for awhile and she is likely my best friend of all! And we are massively silly together, as well as having the connection to talk about anything at all. FB friends keep me going also!